First I should say a big thank you to everyone who made my first real birthday away from home wonderful. I thought it would be a very low-key birthday with little to no excitement. Apparently, I am an idiot. The ever wonderful Candy ensured that I was embarrassed beyond all belief at every turn of the way.
To begin, there were no classes on my birthday; it was, instead, an all day professional development day. So here I am, innocently thinking no one will mention what today is, and then Ty, the head of the recognition committee, kicks off the meeting with a loud publicizing of the fact it was my birthday, including a balloon, card, and off-key round of "Happy Birthday" (keep count people, this is song #1).
I naive thought that, should we go out to eat for lunch in between sessions, I would be safe, but I has proved the fool again as Candy somehow got the whole staff (as well as every person) in Quiznos to sing Happy Birthday to me (#2).
Mortified beyond all belief, I fled back to my cave of a room at the school where I was met with more singing by the office staff (# that's 3, in case you lost count) in the parking lot. I blame Candy for this, though I'm not sure if she was at all at fault.
The remainder of PD went well, and several of us planned to meet at Applebees for dinner. Looking back, I realize how foolhardy this was. My mother called to tell me happy birthday (song #4) while I was at A-bee's, as did Colin (my brother) and Erin (my sister). Little did I know that when I answered the phone and distracted myself, Candy would pounce yet again. She informed the staff at Applebee's that it was my special day, and so when dessert came, I was serenaded by not only the staff, but also several patrons in an off-beat round of, you guessed it, Happy Birthday (#5).
Despite all the singing and merry-making, it was a wonderfully enjoyable birthday full of unexpected surprises and fun. Thanks to my friends here (Candy, Jeanne, Wanda, and everyone else at HMHS) for a great day.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Dishes and contemplation
I always swore that when I had my own place, I would keep it immaculate. I'd do dishes every night so there wouldn't be a big pile, I'd keep the floors clean, and I wouldn't leave papers lying about. My apologies to my mother for ever saying this when she demanded that someone clean. Yesterday I did a "big clean". I washed dishes, swept floors, cleaned sinks, wiped off mirrors... and it only took 20 minutes or so. Amazing! Why did I put all of this off?
I suppose it's easy to say you'll do something differently when given the chance, but much harder to actually follow through. I have the best intentions disease, always saying I'm going to get a task done or act differently, but then when the time comes, I fall into the routine of indolence, content with sitting around and reading rather than getting off my backside for 20 minutes and getting work done. I have the same problem lately with grading- I have so much to do, but I put it off in favor of watching a movie or reading a book or sleeping.
People don't realize how different teaching is from "normal" jobs. It is not, contrary to popular belief, a 9-5 job. Nor is it an 8-3 job. It is a 7-7 type job, with no weekend or overtime pay but with demanding work that must be done in your "free" time. What you assign, you must grade, and inevitably, the grading must take place at home on your own time. There is no end of the day whistle, and you cannot leave your job at the office. It comes home with you, overruns your kitchen table, invades your living room. Slowly but surely, the over-sized bag you received as a gift for "school stuff" becomes so packed that the seams rip and you desperately try to figure out what has to go home and what can stay at school.
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As I stood washing dishes yesterday, I began to think (a dangerous pastime, I know). I realized how incredibly smart God is. So many times in my life (and yours, I daresay), something happens which cannot be explained or immediately understood, but wait 5-10-20 years, and suddenly, an epiphany occurs and you realize how the dots connect.
I wouldn't say I've had an exceptionally hard life. In many ways I have been blessed beyond belief. However, I would say (and I say this without expectation of pity or sympathy, only with a desire to share what I've learned) that perhaps I have been "through the mill" more than your average person. I could catalog every little thing in my life that has gone wrong, all the loss and pain and sadness, but to do so would only mire me down in depression. Instead, I prefer to reflect on my life and, through said reflection, come to realize what has come out of it. And a great deal has, as they say, risen from the ashes, my friend.
Let's go back in time... way back to understand exactly what I mean in order that you may understand how I ended up here today. When I was 7, my parents divorced and, as a result, my family moved from Pennsylvania to Ohio. A devastating blow, to be sure, but I came to understand many years ago that, without that move, I would have never attended Camp Bethany. Perhaps without CB I would have found God somewhere else (I am sure I would have- it seems my soul had cried out for Him for years), but without the love of camp and the camp itself, I would have never ended up there as a counselor. Now, in keeping with the chronological order, we shall return to this point later. When I was 9, I told my neighbor that, when I grew up, I wanted to be a poor English teacher who was married with 7 kids living in a shack with no money. Dead serious. And now look at me, all grown-up and a poor English teacher. No shack, husband, or kids, but halfway there is good. I decided early on I wanted to work with kids, and though it took many forms (teacher, missionary, counselor), I always knew that's the direction I'd take. Well, that or a chef.
High School (or rather the 4 years of high school) was, to be completely honest, a hell I would not wish to repeat ever. It was not school- I thank God for school as it kept me sane- but the multitude of events surrounding it. Depression, suicidal thoughts, emotional abuse, weight issues, insecurity, and the news of my senior year that I would, in all likelihood, never be able to conceive children. Let us just say that those were not the golden years of my life. I hated those years and saw no rhyme or reason for the suffering I endured during them. However, hindsight is 20/20, and now it seems God has deemed it right for me to understand it all.
After this year of teaching, I will either continue teaching full-time while going for my Master's or else go full-time for my Master's while working on the side. Either way, I will be getting my Master's in Counseling and will, hopefully, end up in a school somewhere and be able to help all (or some) the kids I see suffering on a daily basis. And now, the big picture.
Learning that kids really aren't an option for me made me love kids all the more and desire to help them, a desire that was developed and encouraged through counseling at camp and teaching. Said desire, I think, would never have existed had I not experienced so much in my past. I am the person I have become because of my experiences and choices, and I am proud of that person. I finally understand how all that I have done and been through and seen has molded and carved me. God always knows what He's doing, even if I don't, and I need to be more trusting of what He's up to in my life. Sometimes it seems life isn't going well, but that's only because I am seeing the now, not the eventual.
Lots of thought, but I felt like getting it all down. :0) Peace out, girl scout.
I suppose it's easy to say you'll do something differently when given the chance, but much harder to actually follow through. I have the best intentions disease, always saying I'm going to get a task done or act differently, but then when the time comes, I fall into the routine of indolence, content with sitting around and reading rather than getting off my backside for 20 minutes and getting work done. I have the same problem lately with grading- I have so much to do, but I put it off in favor of watching a movie or reading a book or sleeping.
People don't realize how different teaching is from "normal" jobs. It is not, contrary to popular belief, a 9-5 job. Nor is it an 8-3 job. It is a 7-7 type job, with no weekend or overtime pay but with demanding work that must be done in your "free" time. What you assign, you must grade, and inevitably, the grading must take place at home on your own time. There is no end of the day whistle, and you cannot leave your job at the office. It comes home with you, overruns your kitchen table, invades your living room. Slowly but surely, the over-sized bag you received as a gift for "school stuff" becomes so packed that the seams rip and you desperately try to figure out what has to go home and what can stay at school.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I stood washing dishes yesterday, I began to think (a dangerous pastime, I know). I realized how incredibly smart God is. So many times in my life (and yours, I daresay), something happens which cannot be explained or immediately understood, but wait 5-10-20 years, and suddenly, an epiphany occurs and you realize how the dots connect.
I wouldn't say I've had an exceptionally hard life. In many ways I have been blessed beyond belief. However, I would say (and I say this without expectation of pity or sympathy, only with a desire to share what I've learned) that perhaps I have been "through the mill" more than your average person. I could catalog every little thing in my life that has gone wrong, all the loss and pain and sadness, but to do so would only mire me down in depression. Instead, I prefer to reflect on my life and, through said reflection, come to realize what has come out of it. And a great deal has, as they say, risen from the ashes, my friend.
Let's go back in time... way back to understand exactly what I mean in order that you may understand how I ended up here today. When I was 7, my parents divorced and, as a result, my family moved from Pennsylvania to Ohio. A devastating blow, to be sure, but I came to understand many years ago that, without that move, I would have never attended Camp Bethany. Perhaps without CB I would have found God somewhere else (I am sure I would have- it seems my soul had cried out for Him for years), but without the love of camp and the camp itself, I would have never ended up there as a counselor. Now, in keeping with the chronological order, we shall return to this point later. When I was 9, I told my neighbor that, when I grew up, I wanted to be a poor English teacher who was married with 7 kids living in a shack with no money. Dead serious. And now look at me, all grown-up and a poor English teacher. No shack, husband, or kids, but halfway there is good. I decided early on I wanted to work with kids, and though it took many forms (teacher, missionary, counselor), I always knew that's the direction I'd take. Well, that or a chef.
High School (or rather the 4 years of high school) was, to be completely honest, a hell I would not wish to repeat ever. It was not school- I thank God for school as it kept me sane- but the multitude of events surrounding it. Depression, suicidal thoughts, emotional abuse, weight issues, insecurity, and the news of my senior year that I would, in all likelihood, never be able to conceive children. Let us just say that those were not the golden years of my life. I hated those years and saw no rhyme or reason for the suffering I endured during them. However, hindsight is 20/20, and now it seems God has deemed it right for me to understand it all.
After this year of teaching, I will either continue teaching full-time while going for my Master's or else go full-time for my Master's while working on the side. Either way, I will be getting my Master's in Counseling and will, hopefully, end up in a school somewhere and be able to help all (or some) the kids I see suffering on a daily basis. And now, the big picture.
Learning that kids really aren't an option for me made me love kids all the more and desire to help them, a desire that was developed and encouraged through counseling at camp and teaching. Said desire, I think, would never have existed had I not experienced so much in my past. I am the person I have become because of my experiences and choices, and I am proud of that person. I finally understand how all that I have done and been through and seen has molded and carved me. God always knows what He's doing, even if I don't, and I need to be more trusting of what He's up to in my life. Sometimes it seems life isn't going well, but that's only because I am seeing the now, not the eventual.
Lots of thought, but I felt like getting it all down. :0) Peace out, girl scout.
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